Unemployment #11: Irritated with job hunting? Why don’t you go blog about it you whiny, selfish asshole.

March 5, 2011 § 1 Comment

This is what English majors would call an exercise in self-reflexivity. Take this time of unholy unemployment or career hunting and attempt to dissect what’s really going in that hollow heart of yours. Now might be a good time to feel remorse for all the awful, shitty things you’ve done to yourself and the worse things you’ve done to other people. Like that time you banged a bunch of girls because you were feeling like a less badass reincarnation of Steve McQueen. Or how about when that sweet, but nerdy guy asked for your number and you spat at his un-ironic sneakers. Got it? Yeah, you deserve to miserable you jerk, and you don’t even know what IRONY means.

Who doesn’t love a good blog? Personally, I despise most blogs, including my own–probably. I only write to keep myself from dying of boredom or daily decreasing self-confidence or the thought that I’ll lose all my SKILLZ if I don’t incessantly post about nonsense. After I post, I go back and read my entries and think, “Could you have made any MORE grammatical mistakes, you asshole. No wonder you’re jobless AND suck at relationships.”

Blogs and websites, however, are important tools in manipulating an interview in your favor. Are they gonna hire the guy who blogs about sports? Or the guy who just gets mouthy about how badly the Yankees need to die in a fire, preferably, in the locker room after losing to the Pirates (some day, man).

There are very few purists left in this country, most everyone is an asshole and believes that everyone else is an asshole. Have you noticed that  everyone talks about how everyone else is soooo stupid and yet 90% of people post the same dribble on their social networking sites at the same time. Leave me alone, Internet. Get high with dinosaurs or something.

People talk too much; our limber tongues will be the voice of our extinction……

(sounded kinda cool, ya gotta admit).

Anyway, unemployed? Have an advanced degree and yet no one will hire you?Unfortunately, proof of your hard work at past jobs isn’t enough in this competitive job market, you have to prove the hard work you did not working. Any examples of your hobbies, like photography, writing, websites are a good way to make some meager freelance cash and supply some props during your interview.

Babysitting cross-eyed and adorable (but really naughty) puppies is another way to make some meager cash.

Sadly, my own writings are not tasteful enough to show any future employer. This planet-wide chatterbox information overload cacophony will end when people of this world have nothing left to say except “Fuck.”

Have you seen what’s happening in Wisconsin? It’s just the beginning, man.

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§ One Response to Unemployment #11: Irritated with job hunting? Why don’t you go blog about it you whiny, selfish asshole.

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