Unemployment #12: Is it okay to lie on my resume?

April 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

Is it okay to lie to your bitchy ex-girlfriend when she asks if you’re seeing anyone? Is it okay to lie to your mom when she asks you if you’ve quit smoking? Is it okay to lie to the cop when from behind the flashlight he/she asks if you’ve been smoking weed? Is it okay to tell your out-of-state friends that you went to your team’s Super Bowl?

Like the questions above, lying on your resume falls under morally ambivalent light. Angels are not going to shed tears. Kittens will still be born. Sarah Palin will still never be president.

Therefore, it is absolutely okay to lie on your resume. And by lying I don’t mean inventing jobs you never had. You can’t say that you were vice president of the Save the Rhesus Monkey when you lived in India–unless of course, you are a brilliant raconteur and an expert with Photoshop, then totally go with it. Although you’d probably make more money using those Photoshop skills to put out fake ids for rich, bratty college kids than you would at the type of job that was stupid or indifferent enough to hire you.

Think about the kind of job you’re applying for. Is it a customer service job? If they ask for 5 years of experience bar tending and you only have had three, go ahead and lengthen the dates of work at your last bar job. If you have zero bar tending experience, either go get some, or be prepared to tell the biggest yarn when the boss finds out you don’t know how to make a Manhattan.

Most non-corporate service industry jobs WILL NOT do a background check or call your references. Why? Because service industry people are jaded and they don’t give a damn if someone has something nice to say about you.

Once again, the worst that could happen is that you get caught and don’t get hired. If you think that lying on your resume will really bring better job opportunities and your lies are so good that the devil has solid competition, then by all means, go for it. Be aware, however, that your lies could come back to haunt you and you’ll want to make yourself scarce when the boss at your new dream job has immediate need for a Russian translator.

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