Careers #1: It’s Alright, Ma It’s Life, and Life Only

June 3, 2011 § Leave a comment

Portland in some ways has history, but the erected statues and plaques encased in the brick sidewalk seem affected. Discussing the Civil War, quoting Bob Dylan, praising Abraham Lincoln…the West Coast seems too far away for American History–American Present yes!–but not the seeping, porous dynamo you experience in old farmhouses in the midwest, dirty side streets in the south, or the well-preserved, field trip annoying vestiges of the East.

I’ve done a lot of self-reflection in recent years, often more with the “doing myself in” with booze and forgetting about the self-reflection part only to come across some pieces of paper or journals with self-expressions drunkenly scrawled in dry erase marker. But I’ve realized (years ago) that I have no idea what the hell I’m doing and that I really know nothing about anything.

A good friend of mine commented on a break up with an old girlfriend once, noting that the only things that really bothered him about her when they were together were her career path and ambitions. “Does she really want to be a bartender for the rest of her life?”

I actually think that I wouldn’t mind being a bartender for the rest of my life, but my problem, which I think is somewhat universal among my peers, is that I want to push myself so hard to see what the limits of my career potential are (right now it’s paralegal and then possibly law school). I drop the anvil on myself now and see how much weight I can push off. And then someday in the future I’ll realize that “jobs” really aren’t for me at all, and I’ll open my own Western Steampunk themed bar and feel good about being a bartender for the rest of my life.

Decide what to be and go be it, for a little bit at least, and then decide again.

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