Unemployment #7: Don’t Do Depressing Shit

January 30, 2011 § 3 Comments

A couple of months ago I asked a friend in Seattle to recommend to me new or new for me music. He threw me several options, a few I already knew and others that weren’t familiar to me. One of the recommendations was a group called Spiritualized,  their music categorized as “space rock.” They’ve been around since the early 90s and have seen several band member switch-ups. I looked them up, I listened, and I wanted to gouge out my eyes.

The music IS fantastic, but as warned it was “darker than shit.”

As author Nick Hornby writes in his best-selling novel High Fidelity, “People worry about kids playing with guns, and teenagers watching violent videos; we are scared that some sort of culture violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands–literally thousands–of songs about broken hearts and rejection and pain and misery and loss.”

With that brief anecdote in mind, don’t get involved in depressing shit while unemployed; this harms the positive thinking reservoir part of your brain that you desperately need to incur to keep that job hunt mentality. Most people give up looking for jobs after a couple of months of no success or constant rejection. Personally, I don’t have the luxury of unemployment benefits because I was neither terminated nor laid off and am forced to stay in the game.

Be forewarned that you will hear a lot of NO NO NO, or nothing at all, before you hear a YES.

Yeah…don’t shoot up in public restrooms

Depressing Shit to Stay Away From:

  • Heroin (obv-y)
  • Comparing yourself to other people on social networks, i.e. Facebook (I know that sounds crazy but evidence shows that people actually get sad about that shit) Facebook, the modern Mean Girls slambook.
  • Depressing music (unless you’re unemployed AND have had your heart broken then by all means, indulge)
  • Crappy television shows (those laugh tracks are probably ancient, meaning you’re listening to DEAD PEOPLE laughing, fucking DEAD PEOPLE)
  • Slumdog Millionaire (great movie, but so sad that my mom walked out of theater in the first 15 minutes because it was too much like Caracas)
  • Negative people with no concept of what it means to NOT be the center of the universe–SHUT the hell up.
  • Portland
  • Ugly haircuts
  • Non-alcoholic or Gluten-free beer

Feel the mist on your face, the texture of the rocks under your toes, get in touch with Nature, or something.

Positive Shit:

  • Waterfalls and nature in general
  • Pacific Ocean
  • Passion Pit
  • Hip-hop or Rap music (feeling angry is better than feeling sorry for yourself)
  • Exercise
  • Any movie where the little guy kicks ass
  • Baseball in a couple of months
  • Non-crappy television shows
  • Beer
  • Learning a new skill
  • Local Library
  • Cannibal Holocaust (a ridiculous fake social documentary that I like to think of as a horrifying mockumentary because I’m an asshole)
  • Horror movies (they get the blood pumpin’)

Clearly, these choices are personally biased, so make up your own damn list of what pleases you. I’m no psychiatrist, but if you have a little money, there are clinics that offer you medication, or at least psychiatric  evaluations for your depression based on a sliding scale, i.e. the less money you make the less you pay for drugs.

Get out there, keep hunting, and save the depressing, artsy interests for when you have fewer issues to be upset about.

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Unemployment #6: Knowing when to move on, or realizing you aren’t “sexy” enough for the Portland service industry

January 28, 2011 § 2 Comments

I have been called that frightful word, “hipster.”

I listen to music, a lot of it, and I will tell you that I hate  the Dave Matthews Band ever since the radio abused  “Crash” when I was in high school. I will also exclaim that some of your music choices are “disgusting,” but probably behind your back.

I watch shows you’ve probably never seen, or more likely, have never heard of. Such as “Cowboy Bebop,” “Firefly,” “Battlestar Galactica” (is that hipster or just nerd?), and “The Wire” (I can’t help it, I’m obsessed with the show).

I wear dark clothes and vintage coats (just the coats though, I’m too fat to fit into vintage outfits).

I have a tattoo that depicts my upbringing and my favorite song of 2004.

The most hipster thing about me, however, is my attitude, and this offends me. I like to think of myself becoming jaded the moment I found myself behind the slats of a baby crib, not because an abominate subculture says I am.

It was pretty jaded of me to take this picture, right? RIGHT?

Like every other hipster, I resent being called one. I agree, however, that I have hipster qualities that disgust others (or just my general qualities that frighten people). Little did I know, however, that I was to be one-upped in hipsterdom by EVERY OTHER PERSON in Portland, OR, thus making me the least sexy newcomer to apply for work in the service industry.

Fact: I am not sexy enough to be a server or bartender in Portland.

Why? Rejection from low-end employers based upon my looks (no piercing, no visible tattoos, no eye make-up), dress (interview appropriate, sensible shoes, neutral colors), speak (articulating my words, not saying “like” or “rad”), resume (a wrongly outfitted resume with too much job experience in different fields, interviewers get confused), and status (Portland newcomer with no friends or connections).

The problem with not being cool enough for Portland stems from my main problem of desperation. If I had a job already, I would be more confident in interviews for other jobs, but as it is, I am absolutely desperate for work, and I’m sure that shows.

At any rate, I’d like my friends and acquaintances to reconsider my “hipster” status, because here, I don’t exist as one.

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